I say ‘my’ because we are inextricably linked. Even though I buried you in the deepest, darkest pit, you are always there waiting to cause me more pain. Now I shine the brightest light on your deeds and step into a place of power.

I lay my rage at your feet and watch the fire consume you. I smear your ashes on my skin, dance ecstatically, and absorb acceptance. Acceptance of myself and all of my experiences. Acceptance of who I continually choose to become.

So thank you all.

Thank you Justin & Larry for cheating on me. I learned the importance of treating other’s hearts with care and honesty.

Thank you Michael for manipulating my emotions and controlling my self-expression. I uncovered a deeper and more authentic understanding of what it means to be true to myself.

Thank you James for the bruises and fear. I learned to stand up for myself no matter how big and scary of a threat I face.

Thank you Kevin for placing your hands around my throat and threatening me. I learned to always speak up for myself and to never let anyone silence my voice again.

Thank you Professor Klinger for using your position of authority to make me feel sexually pressured and weak. I learned not to underestimate my own strength and to always honor my inner authority above all else.

Thank you Frank for drugging and raping me. I learned how to pay closer attention to my surroundings, listen to my instincts, and find compassion for those whose hurtful deeds reveal a soul in unfathomable pain.

And most importantly, thank you to myself for all the shame, blame, loathing, anger, resentment, and destructiveness you bestowed upon me. I learned how to be strong, resilient, and fully alive.

I know how to stand firmly rooted in self-love. I live life on my own terms – joyous, free, empathetic, and appreciative.

I am a

Visionary

Aesthete, a

Numinous

Immortal, a

Courageous

Explorer.

I see the beauty born from the pain and I embrace them both.

So thank you all for sharing your pain with me. Thank you.

Day 32.

Rhythms are on my mind today.

Heartbeat. Breath. Sleep. Crackling fire. Seasons. Drums. Footsteps. Planetary orbits. Rain. Woodpeckers. Digestion. Conversation. Poetry. Music. Crickets. Playing. Creating. Rest.

Rhythms surround me.
Life is made up of rhythms.

I feel myself slowing down as winter solstice approaches. I feel myself drawn into a slow primal rhythm of rest and hibernation. I feel myself drifting into a deep sleep.

In this sleep, i find renewal. In this rest, i find rejuvenation. In this hibernating, i find reconnection.

After a month of daily writings to share, i find myself retreating a bit. I will see you when i reawaken.

Love & Zzzzz,
Vanice

Day 31.

A visual adventure into a dreamy snowscape.

Would you be willing to let me know which is your favorite photo?

In warmth & love,
Vanice

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